Author: mrogers5 (Page 1 of 2)

Final Draft-2

Throughout this semester in ENG 110 I have learned what revision strategies work best for me. My favorite active reading strategy is annotating and marking up the text as I go. This makes it easier when I go back to the text to remember how I felt about what the piece was saying as well as know what was being said where in the text. My favorite brainstorming strategy is to write out all of my claim sentences / claim sentence ideas after reading the prompt. This allows me to get my thoughts out and as I go to draft I can pick and choose the ones that are the strongest. My favorite drafting strategy is outlining. I can’t write a paper without outlining first. An outline gives me something to follow and a direction to go in. My favorite revision strategy is a bit unique I feel. I like to print a hard copy of my paper. In one colored pen I write my peers edits. In another colored pen I write my professors edits. In a third colored pen I write in my own edits or any final edits I believe my paper needs. I find this helpful because I gives me a direction and a place to start in the editing process. I have found these strategies useful when I am writing or reading papers for other classes. I feel as though these strategies have helped me to become a better writer, which is a skill I will be using for the rest of my life.

Blog #15: Revision Strategy.I would like you to take some minutes and reflect on your peer review experience. Return to your peer’s notes. Flip through your own. Now is the time to develop a strategy.Your strategy is the plan of action you will take to achieve your overall aim (Dictionary.com).Your strategy should include:

1. Your goal (or goals), articulated in your own words
2. The steps you plan to take to achieve this goal (in order of priority)
3. What you see as your biggest challenge
4. And what will you do if a challenge comes up that proves too difficult for you to solve on your own? In other words, what resources do you plan to use?

I found today’s peer review quite helpful. Both Stephen and Emma left me helpful edits. As well as my paper was the one we talked about after editing today and I found it helpful to go through the comments left and listen to them further explain their edits. One goal I have as I edit my paper is to add my own voice more clearly. I often times analyzed or stated points of views, whether they were from Armstrong, the video, or Liv’s project, but I did not really address whether or not I agreed with them. In order to achieve this goal I am going to go back and look at definitions of beauty that I used in my paper and expand on them by adding my own thoughts. Another goal is to go back and fix a specific area my peers pointed out as slightly confusing. I am going to reach this goal by clarifying what I am trying to say as well as adding transitions in order allow my ideas to flow better. I plan on doing all of this by printing a copy of my free draft and hand writing on all of the edits on this copy and then writing my own edits in another color on the same copy. Personally, I know I do better with a physical copy of my essay with edits on it as I revise. I do not foresee a big challenge as I edit this paper but if I do come across one I could reach out to my professor or SACS for help.

I plan to use images to enhance what I am saying in my essay. I plan on adding the comparison photos into my paper so the reader can fully understand what I am talking about.

As for a peers art project, I plan to use Liv’s project, specifically the part about the colors and images within the hospital and how they made the patients feel. I am connecting this to beauty can be reflected in how the person, or art makes those around them feel. To incorporate this into my paper I will use a hyperlink to Liv’s project on her blog.

To cite these sources correctly I will use reference templates that help cite the other forms of media I use. These references include easybib and Purdue owl.

here is my working outline:

Intro:

• Briefly touch on each claim as a preview of what is to come
• Touch on idea of “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” because I do believe that

Thesis (working): The definition of beauty may depend on the individual, but social media has the ability to influence society’s definition of beauty as a whole.

Claim 1: Social Media gives people false sense of beauty

• Use psychology as evidence
  • In psych class talked about people’s psychological need for feedback whether it is positive or negative and how seeing people get positive feedback (like likes on instagram) makes people want to be like those they see (will cite ted talk that discusses this) 
• Only look at what we see, not who they are, how they treat those around them, how they are trying to make a positive impact

Claim 2: People with a platform are beginning to stand up again “one size fits all beauty”

• People calling out magazines for photoshop
  • Zendaya
  • Ashley Graham (?) 
  • For multimodal include the picture comparisons so the read fully understands what I am talking about
• Insta fitness models doing relaxed vs posed pictures
  • For multimodal include the picture comparisons so the read fully understands what I am talking about

Claim 3: Art glamorizes things that truly matter like nature, unlike social media which tries to hint at what matters, but tends to focus on unimportant things

• Quote from video: “Art returns glamour to its rightful place, highlighting what’s genuinely worth appreciating.”  

Claim 4:  For me people’s beauty is about their hearts and their legacies

• I try to look at people for  who they are and not what they look like
• How people make those around them feel is a testament to their character and inner beauty
• This idea can also be applied to buildings or other aspects of life (might break into own paragraph)
  • Use Liv’s project about the hospital being colorful and having pictures in order to bring hope and color into patients lives as well as their family’s while facing very serious life situations (could link to livs project in order to see the pictures thru a hyperlink)

Claim 5: in order to see a change in society as whole there must be a change in enough individuals to spark a new movement for change in seeing beauty

• Explain Schiller’s ‘sense drive’ and ‘form drive’
  • Sense → lives in moment, seeks immediate gratification, craves contact and possession
  • Form → inner demand of coherence overtime, abstract understand and rational order, discover universal principles
• Analyze to connect back to thesis
• Expand on Schiller’s “unnerving…beauty” (armstrong) quote
  • Connect back to how change in how we perceive social media and those around us is what will lead to “higher level of inner development of the sort enabled by beauty” but will take a long time if at all

Conclusion:

• Add a small naysayer part about how even if you look at someone for their inner beauty, the initial physically beauty is often what draws someone in to spark an interaction
• tie all ideas together

I think Armstrong’s statement “To regard beauty as a luxury adornment or a social signifier was to miss the true potential of the experience” is a very insightful statement. I think that especially in today’s younger generations people can get caught up in what others have and social status. Although I notice it more and more in younger generations this has been a theme in childhood for years. In the pivotal years each individual experiences such as middle school and high school, there is always the more popular kids. They tend to be looked up to by their peers because of what they have and how they dress rather than you they are as people. This can be applied to Armstrong’s statement because they can be considered beautiful for their luxury items or social status instead of how they treat others or their personality.

In the world of social media today it is hard not to get caught up in the idea that beauty looks like the people who are getting the most attention on social media platforms, especially Instagram. Armstrong hits on this point when he states, ” Like many people today, Schiller worried that beauty was too connected to social status” (5). In the world of social media social status can be seen based one’s social media following. However there are people on these platforms that are standing up against this one size fits all beauty standard and campaigning to let everyone they are their own definition of beautiful. Going past this idea of physical beauty though, when I think about beauty I tend to think more about a person’s personality and how they make those around them feel.

         I really enjoyed Liv’s presentation. She took her project in a completely different direction than I took mine and that was cool to see. Her presentation was super personal and I appreciated that and I was very intrigued throughout her presentation. I liked that instead of picking one picture and encountering it, she took a belief and used pictures to enhance it. Her mode of communication was an essay with photos. Her essay alone was interesting and heartwarming and captured my attention, but her different photos of artwork at Children’s Hospital in Boston, or of her friend and other patients was what enhanced her essay even further. Seeing the pictures of Liv and her friend made the whole presentation even more personal and real, which made it even more inspiring. I would not say it gave me a fresh perspective, but furthered my previous perspective. I had noticed and stated how important art is in places like hospitals due to the positive energy it can bring to patients, their families, and staff members. Liv’s example of Children’s Hospital was a perfect one that furthered my belief in the ability of art to create positive uplifting energy. Liv’s presentation, found here, was inspiring, intriguing, personal, and had an important point of view, that should be shared

I found this chapter quite helpful. I found that I rely on a few devices. I rely on repetition the most I feel. Especially towards the end of my paper as ideas, concepts, or connections circle back around to conclude my paper. However, although I had quite a bit of repetition I made sure that the wording was not always the exact same, but tried to continue on the point or push it further each time I repeated a point or concept. I also noticed I used a lot of pointing terms, but must cold also be considered a transition term. Words like however, similarly,  or along a similar point were used as transitions, but also serve as pointing terms because they indicate to the reader if I am going to continue on with a concept further, or complicate it a bit in the following sentence. As for patterns I saw a lot of repetition throughout, but especially at the end. As well as transitions tended to be at the beginning of paragraphs and in between quotes or evidence used. I tended to put pointing terms in the middle of paragraphs when complicating points, leading into quotes, or furthering a concept with more evidence. I found a couple places that were a bit hard to follow but it was more so do to grammatical errors or weird wording, not necessarily the lack of connection.

Johan Lehrer’s main point in this article “The Future of Science… Is Art” is that in order to answer life deepest questions and gain more knowledge we will need to draw from both science and art. His closing statement that ties this main point and his entire essay together is, “.. science and art, so that each completes the other” (6). The greater point throughout the essay is that both art and science can benefit from one another. I could follow and agree this greater idea; however, specific examples, some quotes, and the intricate language used in the article made it hard for me to understand, or grasp every piece of information discussed. For me because the essay was a bit hard to follow, but I got the main point, it seemed as though the writing was a bit lengthy and hard to stay interactive with. I definitely had to remind myself to think of it as a conversation and to stay engaged at points.

That being said one way I made sure to stay engaged was by glossing the text in order to better understand words or phrase I did not get. Some words I had to look up included, lepidopterist, quantum, enigma, inception, paradigm, ephemeral, quaila, parse, arcane, quaint, non-euclidian, and zeitgeist.

Along with these I also looked up the required ones. Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle is the statement that its impossible to measure two properties of science at once. What I could grasp about “The Bridging Principle” from the essay is it is “the neural event that would explain how the activity of our brain cells creates the subjective experience of consciousness”. I believe it is looking at how events turn into consciousness from within the brain. Reductionism is analyzing and describing a complex phenomenon on a simpler more fundamental level, or the purpose of the phenomenon. A Synapse is the junction between the neurons where neurotransmitters diffuse. Epiphenomenon is a secondary byproduct of an event that does not cause or influence the event. A Holistic perspective is a type of view in which one is interested in engaging in. A metaphor is a phrase that compares two objects for symbolic reasons or understanding.

One person I choose to look up was Arthur Miller. His role in Lehrer’s paper was to show how as an academic he combined art into his studies. He is one of the first people mentioned because the greater conversation of the essay is the mutual benefits arts and sciences can have on one another and Miller is a great example this.

The second person I looked up was Brian Greene. He is a theoretical physicist, mathematician, and string theorist. On the fourth page of the essay Lehrer writes, “… Brain Greene wrote, the arts have the ability to ‘give a vigorous shake to our sense of what’s real,’ jarring the scientific imagination into imagining new things”. The purpose of quoting Greene here is to show that slowly scientists are acknowledging the benefits art could have on science. The benefit stated here is how art can cause new ways of looking at science or new ways of trying to answer scientific questions.

The immediate context includes the author and when and where the writing was first published. The author is Yo-Yo Ma. He started performing at five years old and decades later he has produced more than 90 albums. For all of his lives work he has been honored with a number of awards and has been recognized a multitude of times. For his education he received degrees from Juilliard and Harvard University. His essay “Necessary Edges: Arts, Empathy, and Education” was published originally online on the WorldPost in January 2014.

The imposed context includes my purpose for reading this essay and my personal reading experience. Going past having to read this essay for class I think a purpose for reading this essay is to gain insight on how the educational world is evolving as well as to evoke emotions and thoughts about this change from a students prospective. As for my personal reading experience, I agree with Ma. I believe their is a need for art to be added to the original STEM teaching style. Like stated in the article art has the ability to evoke reactions and emotions and make connections between people that other parts of the STEM discipline can not.

The internal context includes the scope and “so what” aspect of the essay. The scope I believe is wide. I think educators are a big target of this essay because they are in fact the ones implementing education for others. However, I also feel the scope can truly be anyone because the importance of art can connect to all individuals. For example Ma explains how art can be used to encourage empathy thinking, a way to put yourself in other peoples shoes. The ability to do just a thing is important for all human interactions and connections. The “so what” of this essay falls along a similar path. Art teaches the “capacity to imagine what someone else is going through” (Ma 259).  This is a major lesson that all people need to learn in order to be a functioning member of society.

As for words I did not know to that I than needed to gloss, I found three. Those three words are tandem, visionaries and cellist.

I revised this quote based on my peers edits. They stated I need to explain the quote more and that is exactly what I did. Before I simply had the quote and wrapped up the idea. After revising I had the quote and then an explanation before wrapping up the idea.

Before:  During his TED Talk Kaphar states, “I want to make sculptures that are honest, that wrestle with the struggles of our past but speak to the diversity and the advances of our present” (Kaphar, Titus).

After the quote I added: Kaphar gave an example of how exactly he would like to do this. He wants to put new socially updated sculptures next to socially outdated historical ones. 

After reviewing edits and notes on the free draft I handed in I decided to see if I could work my claim about art being everywhere into a response to the EAs view. One member is quoted saying “‘By definition, most artists are mediocre, and their art doesn’t Rea;;y please many people, if any” (Southern 440). I am going to use this in that paragraph because I discuss ads and if ads were not pleasing to people products would not be sold and that clearly is not the case because people are constantly shopping.

Another quote I am going to include in my final draft that I did not include in my free draft is a quote about Peter Singer’s shallow-pond analogy. The quote is, “Suppose you saw a child drowning in a pond: would you jump in and rescue her even if you hadn’t pushed her in… and yet most of us manage to ignore those dying of poverty and preventable disease all over the world, though we could easily hep them” (Southan 435). I was originally going to add this to my conclusion. However, as I look at the quote more and rework my paper further I think I might add the quote earlier in the paper and discuss how the two actions are not comparable, much like art is not comparable.