Month: April 2018

Final Draft-2

Throughout this semester in ENG 110 I have learned what revision strategies work best for me. My favorite active reading strategy is annotating and marking up the text as I go. This makes it easier when I go back to the text to remember how I felt about what the piece was saying as well as know what was being said where in the text. My favorite brainstorming strategy is to write out all of my claim sentences / claim sentence ideas after reading the prompt. This allows me to get my thoughts out and as I go to draft I can pick and choose the ones that are the strongest. My favorite drafting strategy is outlining. I can’t write a paper without outlining first. An outline gives me something to follow and a direction to go in. My favorite revision strategy is a bit unique I feel. I like to print a hard copy of my paper. In one colored pen I write my peers edits. In another colored pen I write my professors edits. In a third colored pen I write in my own edits or any final edits I believe my paper needs. I find this helpful because I gives me a direction and a place to start in the editing process. I have found these strategies useful when I am writing or reading papers for other classes. I feel as though these strategies have helped me to become a better writer, which is a skill I will be using for the rest of my life.

Blog #15: Revision Strategy.I would like you to take some minutes and reflect on your peer review experience. Return to your peer’s notes. Flip through your own. Now is the time to develop a strategy.Your strategy is the plan of action you will take to achieve your overall aim (Dictionary.com).Your strategy should include:

1. Your goal (or goals), articulated in your own words
2. The steps you plan to take to achieve this goal (in order of priority)
3. What you see as your biggest challenge
4. And what will you do if a challenge comes up that proves too difficult for you to solve on your own? In other words, what resources do you plan to use?

I found today’s peer review quite helpful. Both Stephen and Emma left me helpful edits. As well as my paper was the one we talked about after editing today and I found it helpful to go through the comments left and listen to them further explain their edits. One goal I have as I edit my paper is to add my own voice more clearly. I often times analyzed or stated points of views, whether they were from Armstrong, the video, or Liv’s project, but I did not really address whether or not I agreed with them. In order to achieve this goal I am going to go back and look at definitions of beauty that I used in my paper and expand on them by adding my own thoughts. Another goal is to go back and fix a specific area my peers pointed out as slightly confusing. I am going to reach this goal by clarifying what I am trying to say as well as adding transitions in order allow my ideas to flow better. I plan on doing all of this by printing a copy of my free draft and hand writing on all of the edits on this copy and then writing my own edits in another color on the same copy. Personally, I know I do better with a physical copy of my essay with edits on it as I revise. I do not foresee a big challenge as I edit this paper but if I do come across one I could reach out to my professor or SACS for help.

I plan to use images to enhance what I am saying in my essay. I plan on adding the comparison photos into my paper so the reader can fully understand what I am talking about.

As for a peers art project, I plan to use Liv’s project, specifically the part about the colors and images within the hospital and how they made the patients feel. I am connecting this to beauty can be reflected in how the person, or art makes those around them feel. To incorporate this into my paper I will use a hyperlink to Liv’s project on her blog.

To cite these sources correctly I will use reference templates that help cite the other forms of media I use. These references include easybib and Purdue owl.

here is my working outline:

Intro:

• Briefly touch on each claim as a preview of what is to come
• Touch on idea of “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” because I do believe that

Thesis (working): The definition of beauty may depend on the individual, but social media has the ability to influence society’s definition of beauty as a whole.

Claim 1: Social Media gives people false sense of beauty

• Use psychology as evidence
  • In psych class talked about people’s psychological need for feedback whether it is positive or negative and how seeing people get positive feedback (like likes on instagram) makes people want to be like those they see (will cite ted talk that discusses this) 
• Only look at what we see, not who they are, how they treat those around them, how they are trying to make a positive impact

Claim 2: People with a platform are beginning to stand up again “one size fits all beauty”

• People calling out magazines for photoshop
  • Zendaya
  • Ashley Graham (?) 
  • For multimodal include the picture comparisons so the read fully understands what I am talking about
• Insta fitness models doing relaxed vs posed pictures
  • For multimodal include the picture comparisons so the read fully understands what I am talking about

Claim 3: Art glamorizes things that truly matter like nature, unlike social media which tries to hint at what matters, but tends to focus on unimportant things

• Quote from video: “Art returns glamour to its rightful place, highlighting what’s genuinely worth appreciating.”  

Claim 4:  For me people’s beauty is about their hearts and their legacies

• I try to look at people for  who they are and not what they look like
• How people make those around them feel is a testament to their character and inner beauty
• This idea can also be applied to buildings or other aspects of life (might break into own paragraph)
  • Use Liv’s project about the hospital being colorful and having pictures in order to bring hope and color into patients lives as well as their family’s while facing very serious life situations (could link to livs project in order to see the pictures thru a hyperlink)

Claim 5: in order to see a change in society as whole there must be a change in enough individuals to spark a new movement for change in seeing beauty

• Explain Schiller’s ‘sense drive’ and ‘form drive’
  • Sense → lives in moment, seeks immediate gratification, craves contact and possession
  • Form → inner demand of coherence overtime, abstract understand and rational order, discover universal principles
• Analyze to connect back to thesis
• Expand on Schiller’s “unnerving…beauty” (armstrong) quote
  • Connect back to how change in how we perceive social media and those around us is what will lead to “higher level of inner development of the sort enabled by beauty” but will take a long time if at all

Conclusion:

• Add a small naysayer part about how even if you look at someone for their inner beauty, the initial physically beauty is often what draws someone in to spark an interaction
• tie all ideas together

I think Armstrong’s statement “To regard beauty as a luxury adornment or a social signifier was to miss the true potential of the experience” is a very insightful statement. I think that especially in today’s younger generations people can get caught up in what others have and social status. Although I notice it more and more in younger generations this has been a theme in childhood for years. In the pivotal years each individual experiences such as middle school and high school, there is always the more popular kids. They tend to be looked up to by their peers because of what they have and how they dress rather than you they are as people. This can be applied to Armstrong’s statement because they can be considered beautiful for their luxury items or social status instead of how they treat others or their personality.

In the world of social media today it is hard not to get caught up in the idea that beauty looks like the people who are getting the most attention on social media platforms, especially Instagram. Armstrong hits on this point when he states, ” Like many people today, Schiller worried that beauty was too connected to social status” (5). In the world of social media social status can be seen based one’s social media following. However there are people on these platforms that are standing up against this one size fits all beauty standard and campaigning to let everyone they are their own definition of beautiful. Going past this idea of physical beauty though, when I think about beauty I tend to think more about a person’s personality and how they make those around them feel.